100 Word Challenge #20 By Drew

Posted on February 21, 2012 by Drew

One normal not so sunny day in England, Jamie was walking along the 3rd isle of the Supermarket. The rest of his family were also browsing, not too far from him. He wasn’t too bothered about getting lost, it was a small building full of groceries, toys, all that kind of stuff. Jamie stopped to see something ahead of him. A stack of red cans. FizzlePops, the best fizzy drinks in the world! He ran over to them, but as soon as he got there he slipped and flung his arm sideways. After that he mumbled to the store manager, “It wasn’t my fault…”

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3 Responses to 100 Word Challenge #20 By Drew

  1. Zoe says:
    February 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    Hi Drew, I used to go to your school and do these 100 word challenges and I think your punctuation is amazing!Also I think you could improve on using more connectives eg. Because, however , meanwhile !
    Well Done!

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  2. Ross Mannell (Team 100WC) says:
    February 21, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Hello Drew,

    Your opening sentence sets the scene for the story so well. Jamie seems confident and keen to explore by himself.

    Poor Jamie, accidents do happen but the store manager has probably had problems with children playing in the store and knocking things over. We know , in Jamie’s case, it wasn’t his fault. :)

    This is a very well written story, Drew. Your punctuation is good and the only spelling mistake I noticed was an easy one to make. “Isle” in the first sentence should have been “aisle”. Both are correct spellings but “isle” is a small island. Thank you for taking so much care in your writing. It makes your story so much more interesting to read.

    Please keep entering the 100WC. I like your imagination and writing style. :)

    @RossMannell
    Teacher, NSW, Australia

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  3. 06paulac says:
    February 21, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Well Done Drew you done an amazing opening I would love to know what happen next. You could of described it a bit more.

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